Previously on Teen Wolf: Stiles barfed himself up. WTF.
Isaac and the Murder Twins are bug-exterminated by Dr.
Deaton. He literally shoves his hands down their throats and pulls out tiny
flies. Couldn’t they just wait for the flies to exit out the backdoor?! Deaton,
Kira and Allison discuss; the whole fly-possession thing was pointless plot
device to fill in 30 minutes, since Teen Wolf only requires like 10 minutes of
actual plot and action. The rest is all slow-mo and backflips.
Cut to Stiles being examined by Melissa . He’s wearing
Scott’s shirt, and he’s in Scott’s bed and I’m super happy. Melissa checks his vitals; apparently he’s a
real person despite materializing out of the floor. They’re pretty sure this
Stiles is Original-Recipe Stiles, on account of the fact that he’s not stabbing
anybody in the stomach. Stiles invites Mrs. Yukimura and the Oni for a second
opinion. Kira’s like, “Stop. You’ll get stabbed with swords.” I love Kira.
Still, no worries. They brand him with the ‘self’ kanji.
Lydia is currently in Oak Creek, chilling with the ghosts.
The Nogitsune pops up and we’re treated to the Jeff Davis specialty,
pseudo-rape torture scenes! Joy!
Kira and her mom play Go. It’s super important because Scott
and Lydia saw Stiles playing against the Nogitsune. It’s also super important
because apparently information has to be shared in the most confusing, cryptic
and time-consuming way possible. Kira isn’t buying the BS.
Sheriff Stilinski sits in his office, regretting his entire
life. Deputy Parrish pops up, and offers to bring the Sheriff some coffee. Instead
of saying thanks, he questions Parrish on why he decided to transfer to Beacon
Hills, with the entire city, especially the Sheriff’s office basically being a
huge Hunger Games arena. Parrish says he was “drawn” to Beacon Hills. Also, the
TPTB decided that there can never be too many white dudes. Scott pops up with
Original Recipe Stiles, and the Stilinskis share a bone-crushing, heartbreaking
hug. Tears all over my keyboard. They discuss the Lydia sitch; what would the
Nogitsune do with Lydia. Scott says something random about ‘the whole story’,
and Stiles gets an epiphany. Remember the telephone girl from Eichen House? She
might be a banshee.
Derek and Chris also hug it out, albeit only metaphorically.
They agree to blame the Nogitsune for everything, because they love each other
too much to ever try to burn each other alive. Sidebar: Derek is still wearing
the thumbhole sweater. God Bless.
The Sheriff pops over to Eichen House, to look for Meredith.
They go over to the closed ward; Meredith was moved there because she couldn’t
stop screaming. The crazy sadistic orderly dude talks about how they sedated
her with such Ted Bundy-like joy. Eichen house is legit the sketchiest place on
earth. Why did Stiles not google that shit before he locked himself in? Anyway,
Meredith manages to escape, by stealing the keys.
The Murder Twins do a Hansel and Gretel and wander off into
the woods. Only instead of a cannibalistic
grandmother, they get shot with an assload of wolfsbane bullets. Derek
piggybacks them to safety; they hide out in the Malia’s coyote crib.
Allison and Isaac find Lydia’s car. They sniff her out,
apparently Lydia smells like a combination of genius, fabulous and sheer rage.
They sit in the car and talk about their 50 Shades of Gray-esque night together,
and Allison asks if he was Isaac, or Flysaac. Isaac says it was the real deal,
and they share a super cute moment. Allison looks out the window and remembers
how Scott would leave messages on her car window. She breathes on the glass,
and Lydia’s message comes to light. “Don’t Find Me.”
Lydia is still chilling down in Oak Creek, getting tortured
by the Nogitsune. He presses up against her, smells her face and basically gets
all up in her grill, while droning on and on about how he’s hungry for feelings,
and how insatiable he is. He kidnapped Lydia so he could eat her despair.
Gettin’ real-tired of all these torture/rape scenes. Any future Stydia scene
will forever be tainted by this weird horrorfest crap.
Back at school, Finstock wastes the few precious minutes of
his students’ lives before they are inevitably turned into human sacrifices or
burned alive, by raging into his phone regarding his ER bill from when he got
poked by an arrow. Finstock: “$10,000? What’d you do, pull out the arrow and
fill the hole with diamonds?” For reals. He lectures his students about the whole healthcare thing, when Danny points
out the stranger danger in class. It’s Meredith, filling in the Beacon Hills
High psycho quota. They try to ask her what she’s doing there when the
orderlies show up, carrying syringes and tasers. Jesus Christ. Kira tells Coach
not to send Meredith away, because Lydia. Coach is like, who are you? He
doesn’t have time for noobs.
At Casa Mccall, Stiles wakes up shivering with major crazy
eyes. Scott pops up because of their telepathic brother bond. Stiles is super
cold and in much pain, and he puts on Scott’s jacket, over Scott’s shirt and
sits on Scott’s couch. Scott tries to cuddle him better. My feels.
Meredith heads to the music room to talk to the piano
strings. She politely asks them to speak louder and enunciate more, because
they legit sound Elvish. Ted Bundy shows up with his trusty old taser, and it
looks like Meredith’s caught. Finstock comes to the rescue, and tasers the shit
out of Ted Bundy, citing the no-bullying policy. Scott, Kira and Stiles usher her
out, and bring her to Scott’s house.
In the Argent’s apartment, Allison is being her general BAMF
self, and fixing guns and artillery. Chris pops up; congratulations Allison,
it’s hunter graduation! He offers to help her make silver bullets engraved with
the Argent family crest. Cooking bullets kinda look like cooking porridge.
Allison feels more like making silver arrowheads, because the bow is her
weapon. Argent is super proud of his strong, brave, bad-ass daughter. Allison
tells him that she loves him, and she is proud of them. It’s a touching scene,
and beautifully acted. It’s nice to see how far the Argents have come through
the seasons.
Scott, Isaac, Stiles and Meredith head over the Scott’s
house, where Agent Sperm Donor Mccall is chilling. FBI Agents sure have
flexible hours despite the multiple murders and general carnage. Stiles tries
to pass of Meredith as his girlfriend, but he’s not her type. Her type is
Isaac. Stiles is like, “Isaac can come too.” #Openminded is on screen, and I
laugh for years. The threesome head upstairs, and they try to figure out how to
contact Lydia.
Meanwhile, Agent Mccall drops a truthbomb on Scott. My
‘ScottnStiles are real bros’ train is derailed, since Agent Mccall;s secret is
super basic. the reason Agent Mccall left is because he was an alcoholic
asshole. He basically pushed Scott down the stairs, and he hit his coconut hard
on the hardwood stairs. Scott calls shenanigans, basically he hits his head a
lot and he can heal, but he’s only ever had one dad, and he was never there for
him.
Stiles and Isaac debate on whether to psychologically
torture Meredith. I love antagonistic Isaac and Stiles. They’re like angry
territorial cats. Meredith hears an imaginary phone ring, and Stiles hand his
phone over. The spirits have spoken, and they say, “coup de foudre.” Lydia is
at Oak Creek.
On the Argent homefront, Allison is making her arrowheads,
but she’s missing something. She gets the memo from Scott to meet them at Oak
Creek. Meanwhile, best bros Derek and Chris Argent bring the Murder twins into
a shadowy location that might either be an abandoned murder house, or Derek’s
loft. TBH, Derek’s loft basically is a murder house. Derek shows Chris the
bullet shell casings, it’s not Mexican hunter Araya, but Chris Argent knows.
Mrs. Yukimura and her Oni bitches stalk into Oak Creek.
She’s such a BAMF I hope they don’t kill her off. Stiles, Scott and Isaac are
in the jeep, and ScottnStiles are having a moment, worrying about each other.
Because Isaac is a territorial cat, he ruins it by calling Stiles out on his
corpse-bride appearance. Stiles tells them to basically kill the Nogitsune if
they have a chance, never mind the fact that they might kill him too. He remembers
everything he did when he was possessed, and he doesn’t care anymore. Such
tortured soul, much manpain. I just want to wrap Stiles up into a blanket
burrito and cuddle him better.
Everyone is finally
at Oak Creak, and the action happens. The Nogitsune breaks Mrs. Yukimura’s
foxtail knives and steals the Onis. They’re his bitches now. Isaac, Kira and
Allison fight the Oni and the Nogitsune, while Stiles and Scott rescue Lydia.
Lydia goes cray-cray when they rescue her; she’s told them not to find her,
because she knows something bad is going to happen.
Isaac gets stabbed repeatedly, but they’re chill, because
he’s a werewolf. Allison shoots an arrow at the Oni and takes it down. It’s a
shortlived victory, cause she gets poked in the chest by a sword. She dies in
Scott’s arms, telling him he’s the love of her life. Isaac looks on from the
background ( In hindsight, and without all the tears clogging my vision, this
kind of feels like Eleven’s regeneration scene in Doctor Who. Isaac is Clara.)
It was hard for me to write this recap because I was in such
a deep state of denial and shock at her death. I was utterly wrecked from
Allison’s death. I kind of always knew it would be Allison who died this
season, because (a)she’s a woman, (b) she was massively underused this season;
but that did not make it any easier to say goodbye. I loved Allison, she’s
always been one of my favorite female characters of all time, and I was not
ready to say goodbye. She was such a strong, complex character, and her story
arc from a sweet, innocent girl into a fierce warrior angel was one of the best
things about Teen Wolf. I have mixed feelings, and I get that Crystal Reed
wanted to leave. I’ll miss seeing her face on my screen, but I hope she pulls a
Colton Haynes and gets cast on a primetime superhero show (she’s is my dream
Kate Bishop.) It’s bittersweet; Allison died following the code she created,
protecting her friends, dying in the arms of the boy she loved.
